we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
