Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
