I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
