I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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