you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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