id be glad to
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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