Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
