Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
It's shark week go big or go home
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
