one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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