Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
