if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Randomize
