in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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