I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
