like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
