Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
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I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
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she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people