dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?