I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
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he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
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Boobs speak an international language.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often