I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Randomize
