I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
