she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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