Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
