I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
