yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
