Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
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