How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
