i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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