tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize