New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
