Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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