happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
