i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
