Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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