Michael Bay diarrhea
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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