so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
