He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize