i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
my being single is dangerous.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
My vagina just recognized that song.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
