the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
