I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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