just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Randomize
