I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
