I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
so let's talk penis.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Randomize
