everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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