so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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