Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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