I feel great
I just peed on a car
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
