Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize