At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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