Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize
