So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
