woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
