regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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