Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
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You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
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I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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