Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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