the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize