So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
