i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
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i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
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I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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