Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Randomize
