I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
