so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
