SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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