would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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