I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
I need to stop coming to work sober
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Randomize
