Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
