if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
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