; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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