I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
