He asked me if I "almost moaned"
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
