Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
