i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
