DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Randomize
