I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I skipped work to stalk him.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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