I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Randomize