Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Randomize
