I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Randomize
